How are you?

Thats the question i would prefer compare to the repeating of "how's your result?" or " why did you come back??" Maybe its likely for us to lose the touch of care and sensitivity when we're around people who need it the most.

First things first, I went to KL weeks before with total uncertainty of why and what I'm gonna do. Only then I found some sparks of purpose so follow through it by visiting campuses. Maybe i could find something i thought. That made me feel better cause at least I'm doing Something.

There wasn't so much campuses to bump my schedule-less time with round the capital and soon, i find myself purposeless again in the middle of the country's most bustling city. Everything's in face pace and so are the people around me, the only think I found static or even backwarding is the figure of myself.

Thanks to God I have a few friends around town, mostly hometowners which has a higher ability of understanding than random people i meet around colleges. So meeting them up and talking to late nights were my choice of relaxing my dilated veins and i have to admit, escape from the monster of uncertainty.

I prayed, I pray a lot. Probably every few hours. I think people find God mostly when they are in trouble and I was always against it because I prayed often, sorta talk to Him all the time. (I dislike threatening emails bout God where by you "have" to forward it to claim your fiathfulness) Maybe i should learn to clear the Grey clouds misting my ears from Hearing biblical sound waves. haha.

Days just pass in KL exactly like its no one's business. And soon SPM results are just round the corner. Seriously i wasn't nervous or anxious even to the last minute, I was having confident of what my faith leads. So maybe the idea of coming back to Kuching and the booking of flight which happened all in 10 minutes was the way of faith too, hopefully. All I'm doing is trying to swallow every uncertainty there is and be ready of whats gonna happen tomorrow. ( i really mean it )

Reach Kuching Airport on a Monday morning. Not surprise to see no one picking me up. Got a ride home eventually. Home was still how it felt but the person walking in looks sort of out of place. I think spending the extra cash for air tickets wasn't a total waste as i did benefit from the "short-stay". Met friends, talk to lots of people, mirror myself clearly and grow not that much but still more than none.

With a blink of an eye I'm all dressed up in Manchester United jersey and going to school for results. The bright red didn't sparkle much enthusiasm and i didn't have the chance to explain why i wore that to the press. haha. Results were ok and if anyone ask me I'll just say "hai hao" or "not that bad". And yea, I'm grateful to God for everything.

Not going to mark a better spot for scholarships with the results but there's still discounts offer that are better than none. I put it this way that the not-so-perfect results are works of faith to lead me to the accurate path if it wasn't for it, it might be a different story altogether. But yet, this leads to more uncertainties which I'm really tired of handling. Anyhow, I'm leaving everything to faith and keep believing!

That raps up all the missing posts that i could have posted and sorry for all the drama. Hope people don't really mind bout throwing me a farewell and saying goodbyes and goodlucks but i came back, though they constantly "hang" it on their mouths.

Random : I'm currently working at night at a Xcel petrol station in Padungan. Told you life's full with 'uncertainty' XD

yours sincerely,
me.