Writing, Thinking, Renewing

I believe in writing. Because it jots down the you that may only be temperate, the you that was so caught in a thought that creativity and wild imaginations just starts to fall from heaven. Is that call inspiration? I’m not very sure. But this is one of those moments that I wrote down in January, this was that me:

30/1/2012 Kuching

I would like to say that I am a writer, but I prefer to call myself a "thinker" as the former seems to have a prerequisite for excellent literacy.

I was in the car with dad today when I realized, we don't talk much in the car, but we do travel a lot together. To the farms, around the city, to the waterfalls or other unknown places that he could think of. And for most of the time, it never felt awkward; the car zones through the sceneries outside while it was perfect silence in the car. I'm not sure what's going on in his mind but in mine it would be a continuous surge of 'imaginity' if there's such a thing.  I would be thinking of scenarios that never happened, of daring ideas to the world's problems, of contingencies, of thoughts, of words and beautiful things.

It could go on for hours while every little thing that flips through the windshield just adds on to the unseen world of my imagination. I'm not sure whether the thoughts caused the silence or the other way around, but what I do know is that the imaginations were always with me through my growing up as a kid. My family’s in a business, so we had lots of chores to do. Whether it was done with a willing heart, I remember during all those times of long hour work, of selling things by the road or farming in the orchard, my mind would be overflowing with things.

I think a lot, sometimes too much. Maybe it sprung out of an anxious personality that I used to be, or maybe it is just plain wild imagination that the world never really thought us to harness. Or thinking back, maybe those were the times that the God that I never knew who love me and created me, have been keeping me in company and telling me great and wonderful things I could never have dreamt as a child. Usually, if I don't write them down into any tangible form and review it, a world of wonders that seem almost so real would vanish like a dream, never to be recall.

However having too much thoughts and not knowing how to manage them may land me in the wonderland that isn’t all that wonderful. Being the “thinker” that I am, I would sometimes over-think certain things. It became a subtle form of anxiety which may seem harmless, or even wise, but slowly would develop itself into agony. Being overly worried, thinking of things that are in people's mind that which are not actually what they are thinking, making pre-mediated ideas 3 steps before a present situation. It wasn’t that fun anymore.

I think that was why I became apprehensive in a lot of things back then. Defensive and protective of myself, not knowing that I was protecting myself from good and great things as well.

I read about what Jesus said of being “child-like”, and that was exactly what I was not. Worrying was a denial to my mouth but a hard truth in my conscious. Worrying simply means having the foolish thought that of “let me handle this”. There was just too much going through my mind and isn’t that how stress starts to creep in.

I use to despise my mind, complaining that it does too many things at one go and all I want is just to be at apiece. When seeing a situation, it can be much more delightful to be simple and welcoming than to formulate 5 different angles of perspective that may not even be valid or reasonable at one go. It does seem like a gift, an unpolished diamond if you will, but it truly wasn’t pleasant-ful.

A lot of renewing was going on as I deliberately decided to be “child-like”. Not childish but “child-like”, meaning to me as being not overly-thoughtful and over-concern of things. Especially when I witness unexplainable things that God is doing which simply baffles your mind, the normal me would default-ly generate possible conclusions to try to explain things and satisfy the inner self. I thank God that He has not helped me in that way, conversely He continues to blow up my mind and thoughts until I just have to surrender and say, I don’t really know everything.

Since then, I started to learn to manage my wild thoughts. Harness them and be in control of them instead of the way around. Be constantly aware that God is speaking through my thoughts and learn to receive and dissect them.

I believe that my thought-full mind with an extra ‘l’ is who I learn to accept as. Despite the struggles and pain it has brought, it was a God-given thing. Under proper management, learning and yielding, it will be where I shall find my full potential.  

And that was me few months ago with some adding here and there. I do believe in writing because it records down my progression as a person. All the write-ups are not full representation of the author because I know what I strongly hold on to now may differ progressively. The me in January and the me in June almost looks and sounds like two different person as I pursue the renewing of my mind and the perceiving of things around me. With that said, although I don't know how and what, I will soon, not be the me now.

And that to me, is exciting.

photo credits to mingchun

Canterbury Plain

"A smile can do wonders, and the best part of it is it cost us nothing to give"

-Anonymous

Saw this while browsing through the funny gift cards on a shelf in one of the many mushrooming souvenir shop in Franz Josef. It just baffles me of how the simplicity of a line of words hidden among stacks of cards can carry so much impact and importance of what the world needs today.

It was in one of the many motels that we stayed in during the holiday where me and my brothers camped out in the TV room watching a Christian sermon late at night. The young skinny looking preacher was talking about wisdom. "Wisdom from the bible talks of right standing with God, self and people. It basically means, being human".

Sometimes, we really just forget about being who we are, if we actually knew who that is. We be who people think we are, we live in impressions of people or the unsound expectations of others. We may even grew up being sculptured by the erosion of false humanity definitions, of first impressions over character and pleasure over honor, responding to situations and making decisions based unknowingly on the presumptions of the world. Slowly, we numb ourselves to our own heart, that which makes us who we are. I wasn't immune of this, at all.

The 2 weeks get-away cannot be more timely. At the crossroad from a college student life to beyond. It was like a great big window, with the inside as what I knew and who I am; and the outside as things yet to explored and he who I would be. It gave me the time and space to ponder over the experiences, my character and life values that I accumulated through the past; the time needed for me to pick up myself to move on to another unknown phase of life, into things unfamiliar with, unheard of and unseen before; the courage needed to dream and dream big; and the faith I need to decide to climb, outside that window eventually into endless possibilities.

Truly it was a great holiday. Not only was I enjoying the post-cardish sceneries, the self-cooked lamb chops which unlike Malaysia are not available in frozen pieces, the priceless moments with the family, but it was as well a wonderful time with me, my thoughts and God. We spent a lot of time talking. It really does feel like those vintage music videos where you're in a travelling vehicle, with breathe-taking landscapes zooming by your window and all you cared about was your pen and notebook, losing yourself in your thoughts.

Human came from somewhere and I for real would definitely not accept the theory of having monkey great grandfathers. After all it's just a theory. Humans came from the wildest imagination, beliefs and thoughts of the greatest inventor, God. He had us in mind and a desire to fellowship with such living beings that were then unknown. With great love He breathe His life into a new creature and created humans. Well the rest of the story we all knew, humans departed from His Creator and started life by himself. And hence fast forward some thousands of years, we have now a society that tries to explain life and self from our own limited mind, coming out with things like evolution, terrorism, sexual abusiveness, suicides and among the greatest, atheism.

To be really human, and to live out that real definition of life, comes only through the acknowledgement that there is a God and a God that didn't just created us and dump ourselves to our own foolishness to kill each other but a God that actually intended since the beginning to have a relationship with humans. I know I am not immune to the lies of the world, and that this holiday getaway really plugged me out of my normal routine to think about things I would never if otherwise thought of.

To be human, "is to have right relationship with God, self and people". Ah.. The simplicity of a line of words that we overlooked or probably never looked because it was hidden behind that stacks of postcards among a hidden shelf.

I am truly grateful, to be reveal of such simple and yet wonderful revelation. That my relationship with God stands out more than the importance of my serving, my responsibilities and commitments

; that my relationship with myself should be real, that I should not be prison by the imagineries and expectations of others, but to pay close attention to what my heart is singing

; and that my relationship with people, my parents and siblings especially, are of such importance over my achievements in life. My love and laying down for the needy and down-casted, are way more important than recognition and acceptance.

Thank You Lord, that you've created humans. As complicated as we ourselves have make things to be, Your intentions never changed and for that, I shall keep that smile on me for the rest of my days.

Say cheese!

Let it be so

Thankfulness

Just got off the plane from a one week get-away with the family. What a great trip it was. It was always rare to be able to spend time with the family since mum has been working away from home since I could remember and that now the family is seperated by the South China Sea due to studies and work purposes. Being able to just do things together again was amazing despite the flares and sparks ignited through gentle brushes over one another's shoulders. Dad being cranky sometimes, us being impatient or lazy, and mum going on and on about petty things etc.

But oh well, it doesn't have to be perfect, it isn't. But that's perfectly alright because there's where loves has a chance to come in to compel the gives and takes over each other's shortcomings and rough edges. Love you all. Mum and dad, thanks for your sacrificial love that may or may not be evident to the eyes. Maybe we're still too young to be able to fully appreciate all that you have done. Forgive us for that. But we know you want and mean only the best for us. Truly deeply, I pray for the greatest things imaginable for you all.

Sometimes I wish the family could just be together at all times where I would get to say "Dad, I'm home" every evening and have dinner at the same old familiar places with the family each night. I guess that's not always the case. However being away really thought me to appreciate every moment I have with the family, everyone of them.

Away from the biological family and being look after by the spiritual family really cradles the soul and spirit from the waves of emotional cravings and the need of feeling belonged. I was amazed at how well taken care I was from being toast a minute from the coziness of being with my immediate family to the comfort and fellowship of my spiritual brothers and sisters the next, never having a split chance to feel lonely and all that unnecessary emotions. For this I give thanks and rejoice!

Above it all, I just know that God is and has always been watching over me wherever I go, whomever I am with. Knowing that your Creator and source of being watches over you gives such radical assurance to my perplex-prone heart with such anchored and solid protection that I shall fear nothing in the face of change and lack. There will be absolutely no room for regrets, sorrow and ill-feelings for the God that watches over me fills my heart with joy and assurance. That everything is being taken care of better than I could imagine and all I have to do is trust in Him.

Thank you Lord for taking care of me, my family, and everything else that ticks with time.

Just, Thank You

ALL

*drew this on the car porch while spring cleaning my house

Resistance to the proud, grace to the humble

humble and teachable,

these are the traits that I am truly proud of for you.

All the best in your college life, a whole new chapter of becoming a man.

与爸爸写部落格

在春节回乡期间（哇好老套的说法），得知了老爸被老乡小学委任校董主席一职。那一瞬间，有一种想爆笑的冲动。如果你见过我爸，肯定会觉得他很不真经，说话像喇叭一样豪放，衣冠也不这么在意。但当然，通街喊的博士人称，毕竟还是老乡们的荣耀

爸正积极筹备着此校的80周年晚宴于筹款建造幼儿园与他一直挂在嘴边的雨盖篮球场。就这样，我成了他的专署typer. 他就坐在旁边指指点点，我就在那疯狂的绞尽脑汁回想N年前学的汉语拼音 =.=

“素仰 台端 热心公益，事业有成，早年受母校薰陶启蒙。诚系母校之光，华社之幸，尚祈应允 ，带动母校完成建校基业，造福乡梓。有劳之处， 本会同仁谨此先行谢过， 千祈勿却是幸！"

什么筹委会主席啦，什么校董会会议商讨结论啦。哇，这都是在那些只有老人和年幼的小孩才会去的华人晚会里出现的词语呀。每次参加这类似的晚宴总觉得没人会理会台上在朗朗被搞的大人物。但原来，在外表很不起眼的讲词和年年都一样的晚会方式背后，有着很多看不见的努力和付出。好，我忏悔了。

和爸一起 “blogging”还真新鲜。有时他写好地搞上字体跟埃及的字语没两样。懒得问他时就拼命瞎猜，比如把“并设茶点招待”的‘设’看成‘没’，或在type 的high 时把港们弟子写成肛门弟子，谨此写成精子。哈哈。果真，本人的华语不但从来没有很好，也退步了很多。以前还能唱所欲言，能言善道，偶尔还会在作文簿子里看到年轻美貌的老师为我留下的‘情书’（不是因为师生恋而是我写的好啦　:p）但现在的我，‘适而可止’还是‘适可而止’都分不清楚了。所以，帮爸爸写的通告或信都充满了不会spell而用的代替品，‘O’先生 :)

哇！爆竹和其他奇奇怪怪的鞭炮在外头砸个不停了！ 耶！Kick 来了！

过年咯大家！

谨此专函奉达:

新年新希望，除了要快乐，别忘了多陪家人哦！

Happy Chinese New Year :)

Embrace

There is an extreme agony, that has been passed down for generations. Research shows that the pain that the host feels is one of the most extreme pain that one can ever experience. However unlike any suffering in the world, this pain was a result of something beautiful, and it was because of pure love that makes that pain worth enduring.

And because those amazingly incredible people were willing to endure this tremendous pain called child labor, you and I are able to sit in front of your computer or phone reading this write-in.

Thank you for everything!

HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!

I love you mum

Dad!

plants, grows, and harvests rambutans (a tropical hairy fruit that doesn't tickles) in the humble land of Kuching. The rambutans always sells well and above average price because the species that dad has are much larger, sweeter and tastier than any other wild ones.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Followed to the market to do some grocery shopping the other day. Was looking forward to shopping at the market because i simply love markets :) Somehow, i felt excited when i saw a huge mountain of hairy red fruit in a fruit stall :)

However, my jaw dropped when i saw how much it cost...

$1aussie =1biji-K

$1aussie = R M 3

O.O''

If that was true for dad, a few of that baskets can feed me for a year :D

dream laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Happy 15th Birthday!

to the...

big eyed kid of the family

mischeviously undescribable

yet playful and adorable lil brother



HAPPY BIRTHDAY BONG XIAN

A father's Love

It is just natural for everyone to be inclined and expressive to mothers'. Mother nature maybe designed this way as lion cubs, baby dolphines and little calfs are raised with the intimate doze of relationship with the female parent. Despite the majority, we see certain amount of animals having parental care from both parents as well; like penguins take turns in guarding their eggs and taking care of baby penguins; and some male frogs though cold blooded, brings its younglings on its back.

However no matter what nature's lesson is, humans are always the exceptions. We are given the gifts of body soul and spirit so that we may relate and express ourselves better than the rest of the species. I'm glad that i'm not cat as all i can express of is giving each other licks on the fur, nor would i be happy if i'm a giraffe where mum and dad is just so way up above =.=

My point is, a father may not be the one you would wanna run to when you broke up with ur girlfriend, or when you're having a high fever; but nontheless, he is the one you would wanna run to when someone bullys you at school, or to be the first to be reported with when you have good grades, or to hear your complains of school, or the highs and lows of your basketball match, and to feel sorry to when you did something wrong.

All i wanna say is, thank you dad, for being there physically and mentally all this while. I know we're not use to mushy stuff like "i love you" or some sort, but i just wanna let you know that, through the years of growing up, i've really learnt what love means, and i love you dearly. Take care dad, and you have my word that i will never let you down, in contrast, i will make you proud like how i was proud of you all this while.

Love you dad,

Happy Fathers Day.

Wishes

Although a mesmerizing night sky is best accompanied with meteors,
But if you don't have the patience for looking up,
the best of stars above will not be realized.

A great essay with extravagant vocabs and fluency of ideas may be captivating,
But without the passion and love for writing,
paragraphs remain as paragraphs.

Although birthdays are naturally linked with parties and present,
but even without them,
i believe it remains a significant day with wishes of the most sincere.

Mum, i don't know what to give nor how to celebrate you're retiring birthday, i feel bad myself but luckily you're flying back today so you won't exactly spend the day alone. But all in all, i really wanna wish you with all my heart,

a very

Happy Birthday to you Mum

!!!

love you lots!